The Core Identity Statement is: “I Am”

Part of the challenge with that statement is that we may not know what we’re saying when we say that.

What’s your series of “I am” statements? Meaning, what do you follow that up with? Is it “I am smart. I am talented. I am kind. I am wise.” Or is it: “I am not smart enough; I am not well-trained enough; I am too old or too fat or too slow or I am broke or I am unloveable” and any number of other things we often harshly say to ourselves.

In some ways we have multiple personalities. You may say to yourself: “I’m a world class designer.” And right after that: “I’m not a great cyclist.” All these things you tell yourself have an impact on your beliefs which trickle down into reality.

It also branches out. Saying, “I’m a failure,” is a shaming statement as per Brene Brown vs. “I failed” or “The marriage failed,” which is better. If you don’t know you’re carrying a negative “I am” statement and you’re unaware of it, all the success work you’re doing probably isn’t going to take hold and you’ll end up chasing guru after guru with no results.

Your Identity Has Multiple Pieces

Different pieces of your identity complete the whole. I wouldn’t recommend trying to update your whole identity alone because it’s like a computer with many different sub-routines going on. One change impacts many other things. It takes time and can be messy.

You gotta have a lifeline to your whole vision.

Keep What Works & Release What Doesn’t

You might want an identity upgrade as opposed to a complete remaking. You’re taking the best of the best, letting go of what doesn’t serve you and saying what’s next for me? You don’t really want to go backwards in your life, even if it’s tempting to romanticize the past. How do you want to set yourself up for the next decade? — it happens on the inside first.

Your Identity Evolves

You could have an “I am” statement that worked for you for a long time and then all of a sudden, it doesn’t any more. Then you have to let it go. Part of what’s tough about this is that for many of us, these statements we carry around are not fully conscious.

Let’s say you’re an empty nester and you used to say to yourself, “I am a mother.” Then when your mother identity has shifted because your kids have left home, you may be saying to yourself: “I’m not a mom any more.” So that’s an identity crisis about to explode.

On your road to success, it helps to understand what your identity is or what your current identity has that’s holding you back.

Shifting takes a while and sometimes if you change it too fast, that’s not the smartest thing to do. If you’ve had an identity for 45 years and then two weeks later you change it without adjusting, you may not settle into it properly. Sometimes it’s a process.

A great sense of loss gets impacted in your body so you want to be kind and gentle with yourself when making these shifts. Awareness is always helpful.

Let’s say you say “I’m a dyed in the wool New Yorker” and then 911 happens and you leave — you’ve physically left but it may take a long time to adjust to who you are now.

We’re all different; some people adjust quickly and some do in some areas and not in others..

The Hero’s Journey

A metaphor would be to say you’re looking at a 100 yard soccer field that’s muddy and hard to travel — you don’t want to get to the 50 yard line and then turn back because you’re scared.

Who you are on the other side is a different person. As you “clean yourself off,” you’re vibrating at a different level. What’s possible at the end of that 100 yards is different than when you started because the way you perceive life has shifted. Once that happens, you won’t be able to go backwards.

It’s like the hero’s journey.

What’s Your Metaphor?

Besides “I am” statements, there are a lot of metaphors that affect your identity. If somebody says “Life is a race” or “Life is an adventure,” those are two totally different people. Here are some examples of positive metaphors you might want to tell yourself.

• Life is a game — and I set the rules — to win, there has to be love, trust, discovery and inspiration.
• Life is a dance — and I’m in flow, I feel, I relish, I’m playful and free.
• Life is a garden — and I’m a spiritual gardener — I plant the seeds, nurture the soil.
• Life is a story — and I’m the storyteller, producer, actor, writer and director.
• Life is a work of art!

Take a look at the metaphor(s) you’re using right now to give you insight into what you’re creating for yourself. What metaphors could be more useful to you when faced with a challenging situation?

What we tell ourselves influences what we experience. At a deep level, once you’re aware of the metaphors you’re using, you can direct your life towards where you want to go.

Shifting Metaphors

Maybe your metaphors used to work for you — but they now need to shift because your circumstances have shifted.

The need to shift for most of us happens at certain stages in life: death, divorce, inheritance — major things coming from the outside like Covid. Or it could be that every day you’re getting up and saying “I can’t stand this job and can’t go there on Monday.” You keep sitting on the nail, so to speak. But finally you sit on 10 nails or 911 hits and you were late because you had to go to the dry cleaner so you survived and there are no words for the wake up call of that experience. For most of us, we can take a lot of pounding before we snap so that may make you hold on to bad situations too long.

From Mindset to Technique to Your Whole Identity

Your mindset may have gotten you out of a jam; you may have acquired techniques — what’s next? Looking at your whole identity is waiting for you.

Identity is the big picture view but there’s also a lot of nitty gritty to get to the other side, which includes strategies. This identity work includes mindset and technique work as well.

All the areas of your inner workings you see to the right of identity in the chart above are impacted by the deep-seated identity you’ve “installed.”

Getting from Where You Are to Where You Want to Go

Most of the best things in life take time and adjustment. You have to go through a series of experiences to get all the way from where you are to where you want to go.

Keep in mind, as a mentor once said: “You can’t microwave experience,” however, tools such as NLP can accelerate your success. Mindset and technique can help. But as far as your journey of transformation, you still need a block of time. You can’t paint the Sistine Chapel over the weekend. It takes time for that vision and process to happen.

The message I got at the darkest time of my life is what led to this work you’re reading about. Coming from a dark night of the soul to this work is my own hero’s journey. There’s a tie to my core; it’s not just a way to earn a living.

“What do you have to show for your life?” That’s what I asked myself, shaming myself about my identity during my dark night of the soul vs. what I can say now, which is: “I think I’m doing a pretty good job with my life.”

When you’re doing what you know you’re called to do, you feel it. What you know in your heart of hearts you’re capable of doing. Most of us want to know that we’re doing what we’re here to do. You can have fun, a family, a business but a lot of us want to be able to say “I believe I’m doing what I was meant to do.” It’s not always easy to make that happen, though, which is what this work is here to help you do.