If people like you, they’ll listen to you but if they trust you, they’ll do business with you.
— Zig Ziglar
Negotiation
In general, people have even more anxiety when it comes to negotiation than they do with public speaking and if you haven’t heard, it’s famously said that the fear of speaking in public is one of humanity’s greatest fears.
Money on the line creates stress.
Negotiations aren’t standard. Proper preparation is similar to public speaking where there’s a structure to put in place in order to negotiate effectively. As usual, there’s the outside piece and the inside piece and careful preparation in both is needed to end up with the results you want. Without that preparation, you’ll be leaving a lot on the table.
Negotiating is at its root negotiating with yourself. Do you give yourself permission to accept what you deserve in this deal?
How to Talk to
the Other Side
Once you’ve got clarity on your mission and purpose, we’ll hone in on what you want in a way that can be communicated to the other side’s world. How do you communicate your needs / wants / views in a way that the other person or team can understand and truly hear?
To put it another way, If I speak English and you speak French, I gotta get on the French side of the table.
Remove Your Ego
You have to remove your ego. It’s not about “beating” the other side. It’s about being clear on what you want and how you communicate it best to the other side so they can see it.
The only person that has to feel okay is the other side. That requires getting your ego out of the way and knowing what your triggers are.
Create Your Master Checklist
It helps to have a checklist with all the things you need:
- What you want
- Who are all the players
- Is there any baggage if you’ve dealt with this person / these people before
- Why is this good for both of you
- A list of the right questions (and different ways to ask the same thing)
- Key insights into the other side’s world
It helps to structure short, powerful questions. I help you determine what questions you need to ask and to make them compact. You’ll ask them methodically, one question at a time.
Discipline & Flexibility
After your call or meeting, logging everything that happened is very helpful. When you have both discipline in your preparation and flexibility because you’re so well prepared, you’ll likely achieve even more than the goal(s) you’ve set for yourself.
The Other Side’s World
You have to understand the other person’s world. What are the pictures they have in their head? How do you understand what they want?
I recommend you only share what you need to share to get to the next step of the negotiation.
People fail a lot by spilling the beans too much up front. We’ll work on how you can be up front and only share what you need to share for that portion of the negotiation. If you’re not prepared, you’re going to get taken to the cleaner’s.
We’ll role play and I’ll throw you difficult questions that may never come up but if they do, you’ll be ready. You need to be ready. When you’re prepared, it’s felt by the other side. It’s palpable. You only get good at this by practicing.
You’re negotiating much more often than you realize in life. What movie will you both go to see with your partner, for instance.
Deep down, negotiation is tied into your self image — what you think you’re worth — what you think you can do.
Knowing when to step away from the table is important. A lot of times the answers happen in those short moments. A lot of critical shifts happen “in between” longer sessions.
Emotional Deposits
& Control
Part of negotiation is making emotional deposits for people.
The only difference between manipulation and persuasion is intent. It’s up to you how you use these skills.
Listening Deeply
Learn to listen fully to what the person is saying. What aren’t they saying? What words are they emphasizing? What’s important to the other side? What’s surprising? Listen for details.
What’s not being said might be more important than what’s being said.
Don’t Be So Wedded
to the Outcome
You need food, water, shelter; you don’t need this deal. That detachment is necessary. You might want it and it could make you really happy but you don’t NEED it. If you feel like you NEED it, you’re at a disadvantage. Being needy doesn’t make you a good negotiator. What do you rightfully want and feel you deserve. You might not get there RIGHT NOW; it might take a bit of back and forth. That’s why you need to have great emotional control.
When you give yourself the option to walk away, you can feel the power you’ve got.
You’re trying to uncover things that could change the whole scope of the deal. You’re being a kind of detective. How does this impact your operations? When do you need to get started? Why are you considering us? All along the way, you’re building rapport with them. You have to be careful if you’re nice to still keep your mission and purpose clear to yourself.
Pay attention to your own body signs; they can clue you in on non-verbal things.
If it’s a multi-layered negotiation, sometimes people just throw things out there. This is why you have to ask the same question a few different ways, to be sure they’re actually saying yes to what you’re asking.
They might have pressures you don’t know.
Why Get My Help
with a Negotiation
I’ve trained with (the late) Jim Camp, widely considered one of the all-time great negotiators. I’ve helped people negotiate major contracts, selling businesses and many other involved, long-term negotiations. Would you rather have the life you envision NOW or a year from now? Working with me will help you get where you want to go much faster.
Money is never the #1 issue in a negotiation, even if it appears to be on the surface. You have to paint the vision for the other side by asking good questions.
Step into their world and do everything you can to feel what’s going on with them. Focusing on what they really want is what will truly get through to the other side.
Negotiation requires a lot of discipline. Money is not the biggest thing. What else do you want?
The picture in someone else’s head is NOT necessarily the same as what’s in yours. Normally you do what you would want someone to do for you but they might not process the same way. We’re all different people. We all have different frames of reference.
If there’s different alignment, then there are different pictures in both sides’ heads. A lot of times negotiation is a performance. The more you have a prepared, rational process and don’t get caught up in your emotions, the better you’re going to do.
When we work together, I’ll purposely prod you to see how you react because that way, you can tell how you’d feel if that happens. Be honest about when you get triggered. So when that happens, what are you prepared to do about it?
How I Can Help
I help you get real clarity. What do you really, really want — to the point of what’s your mission or purpose with this negotiation?
What’s your overall mission and purpose and then with each individual component (calls, emails, agendas), how does that element tie in to your overall purpose and intent? We’ll get clear on this.
Most people wing it when it comes to negotiation, even with a crucial undertaking. They hope they don’t get screwed but most of the time, they’re not prepared. With the preparation and structure we’ll put in place, that’s not going to happen to you.
